10 Rules of Being a “Hipster”

by / 6 Comments / 2921 View / May 26, 2014

Ah, but of course. The Hipster: a primitive species. On a typical day, you can find one grazing in the local boutique coffee shop or maybe a CD store (yes, CDs still exist). The Hipster phenomenon has hit the U.S. and is in full throttle. But what is it, and who are these so-called Hipsters? What makes them any different from us, and why do they all have such awesome beards? In short, the Hipster movement is one that is focused on going against the norm. This seems very nebulous, so please, enlighten yourself by reading these common attributes that all hipsters seem to share.

  1. They thrift shop: A true hipster will never buy new clothes. Instead, one will buy all of his or her clothes from a thrift shop. These clothes usually consist of skinny jeans (the more worn out and torn, the better) and a flannel shirt for the guys. The girls usually choose to wear jeans and a shirt or a dress, but ALWAYS wear army boots no matter what they are wearing (don’t ask why).
  2. They never say the “R” word: All hipsters are extremely liberal. Get caught saying the “r” word (Republican) in front of other hipsters and risk automatic ostracism from hipster society. The thing is, hipsters are not just liberal – they are far more radical than that. Real hipsters do not like the government at all and usually lean more towards anarchism and (dare I say) communism.
  3.  They are always trying to save the environment: Sure, many people are environmentally conscience, but hipsters take this to the next level. Legend has it that a true hipster has never littered in his or her life. Hipsters try to make a conscious effort to be as green as possible.
  4. They always eat organic: Pesticides and hormones are too mainstream for hipsters. Food must always be locally grown and extremely fresh. You can often times spot hipsters shopping at places like Whole Foods. A real hipster will never even set foot in a Publix.
  5. They use cool filters when editing pictures: A hipster never posts a normal picture online. Instead, the photo must always be black-and-white, blurry, or rainbow-hued. Regular pictures are not artsy enough for a hipster and are far too mainstream.
  6. They always hang out at a non-Starbucks coffee shop and have probably worked there at some point: Hipsters do not go to the mall, they do not go to the movies (unless they have subtitles), and they do not play video games. Instead, they spend the majority of there time at a coffee shop where they rarely drink coffee (and when they do, it is always black) and discuss with each other how nonconformist they all are.
  7. They must have a fully grown beard: All male hipsters take pride in their beards. The scraggly look is one of the easy ways to know if you are dealing with a true hipster. Some even take it a step further and have really weird and cool mustaches.
  8. They always listen to extremely obscure music: You can easily rule someone out from being a hipster if they listen to the radio. Hipsters make it a point not do this. If a song has hit the radio, it is too mainstream and is no longer acceptable for hipster ears. Hipsters enjoy local bands that they hear in their token coffee shop.
  9. They must either drive a 1981 Chevy Yugo or a Toyota Prius: Cool cars? No way! Hipsters are not into that. If they have the means to do so, they always purchase a Toyota Prius because of its environmental benefits. If not (which is usually the case) they will undoubtedly drive a 1981 Chevy Yugo. This car has character and heart and is exactly what the Hipster movement stands for.
  10. They must be a fan of Nietzsche: Friedrich Nietzsche is the closest mascot that the Hipster movement will ever get. He, too, was a major proponent of going against the norm and never abided by what the aristocracy and government told him to do. His famous words “God is Dead” resonate in the ears of every true Hipster (yes, they are all probably atheists), as do the rest of Nietzsche’s attempts to revolutionize the counter-culture mindset.
  11. THE EXTRA FINAL RULE: They never admit that they are hipsters: If someone tells you that he or she is a hipster, then that is the easiest way to rule them out as one. Similar to the Illuminati, hipsters view themselves as members of a secret cult. Revealing your identity to the public would violate so many hipster ideals. Hipsters do not care about what other people think (or at least they act like it) so they would never brag.

The Hipster movement is such a hard thing to sum up, but similar to how Justice Potter Stewart described obscenity, “you will know it when you see it.”

 

  • Jamie Kinger

    I am a hipster. Whatcha gonna do now?

  • Jessica Schnorr

    I don’t think I qualify (although, I do love a good thrift shop). Also, CDs still exist?

  • Su King

    This is so true that it’s hilarious. Love it.

  • swag

    This is so bad it hurts to read. Hipster’s hate government but oppose republicans, who are specifically against big government? Hipster’s are anarchists which means no government but are also communists which emphasize complete government? wtf?

  • Berk Diesel

    The article you have written can come across as offensive as you tend to use the word “most” quite frequently subjecting the group so called “hipsters” to your specifications. Furthermore the writing is very poor and unprofessional. I recommend you to read some well-written informative article’s written by other undergraduate students. For example; http://princearthurherald.com/en/economy-2/eating-the-rich-wont-feed-the-poor

  • Ace Harry

    Here’s the thing I don’t understand. There seems to be an increase in popularity within our society of the hipster trend (yes I know, ironic), thus actually making it to a level of being mainstream. Since it’s becoming mainstream, posers and whatnot people along with the true ones will be trying to follow the rules of being a hipster. If i so break rule 11 of saying I am a hipster, does that actually make me the TRUE hipster?