A comprehensive guide to dressing for perfect spring weather that does not go from a balmy, seventy-degree climate one day to blustery, wintery, forty-degree artic tundra zones the next day!
Tip One: Did you know the ‘80s are back in style? No? Well, this tip doesn’t even involve any extra work! Just go outside and walk around for a while. The random bouts of humidity are sure to make your hair expand to new dimensions! As they would say in the decade of big hair, you’ll look totally tubular!
Tip Two: As they say, “Hope for the best and expect the worst.” This is a great statement for picking your outfit in the morning! Completely bundle yourself up: two pairs of socks, a heavy-duty coat, jeans (plus long-johns), and a couple layers of shirts. You’re sure to be warm on your morning commute and sweating by lunchtime when the temperature spikes ten degrees!
Tip Three: What outfit is complete without back sweat? You all know what I’m talking about: that great layer of clammy film that accumulates just in time for your first morning class. So right when you take off your book bag, everyone will know how hard you power-walked to get to class!
Tip Four: April showers are on the horizon, but “showers” doesn’t seem like the adequate word for the magnificent torrential rain that comes with the spring season. Didn’t you know it was all the rage at NY Fashion Week to send out all the models soaking wet? Just forget your umbrella (and don’t even think about wearing rainboots) and you’ll be a great candidate to walk the runway next season!
Tip Five: This is a segment I like to call, “Is she or isn’t she wearing pants?” With the spring season rapidly approaching, ladies all around campus opt for comfort. Who could blame them? An extra-extra large tee shirt and peek-a-boo running shorts make up the perfect combo to wonder if one forgot her pants. See also: my favorite look to wear at the gym.
Tip Six: My favorite look is wearing ALL BLACK on a day that turns out to be nearly eighty degrees!
Tip Seven: As Meryl Streep said in The Devil Wears Prada, “Florals for spring? How groundbreaking.” I’m not talking about the florals on your dresses and skirts; I’m talking about the ones in the ground beside you! You know, the ones that cause so many sneezes and allergy flare-ups. Pro tip: if you’re especially allergic, make sure to adorn your hair with them. Some more adventurous style mavens might make a flower crown out of them. The possibilities are endless! Bonus: a runny nose will definitely polish off your flower-child ensemble.
Tip Eight: Wing it! Pull a wildcard outfit and don’t even check the weather! Don’t even look out the window! Bonus points if you wear a dress or a skirt on windy days!
Tip Nine: Every season is bro-tank season, duh.
Tip Ten: The best way to complete your look is with—not a smile—but a scowl. After all, exams are looming in the near future! And what could be more exciting than figuring out if you’re going to pass or fail a class?!
If you follow these tips, you will definitely be in style this season—or should I say every season, because in a week, you get all four seasons in one! Climate change is definitely not real! Happy spring, everyone.